You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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