Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
