I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
