I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
