my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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