Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
