so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
