I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
