I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
