Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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