to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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