I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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