thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
