Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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