so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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