the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
