I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
