She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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