Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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