Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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