I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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