ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
