You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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