That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
