EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
