I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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