Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
