There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
