saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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