Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
