dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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