I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
