just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm like, not good at living.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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