I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
