his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
