did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
