i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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