now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You can't special order awesome
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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