evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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