Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
