Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
