I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
