just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
