He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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