Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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