Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You took a bar mat shot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
