oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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