i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
