it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
