it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
