Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
