I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
