Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
