what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
