i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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