I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
