I wish my penis had an off switch
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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