We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
