yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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