If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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