I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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