You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
