mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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