You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
