i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
