Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
