You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
