and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
