let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
