Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
