The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
